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As Someday It May Happen

New lyrics by John Maddison.

KO-KO

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed, who never would be missed!
There's the girl who says you're boring 'cause you won't get up and dance,
The inventor of the Rubik's Cube, and anyone from France,
And people who think Liebfraumilch 'is quite a decent wine',
And anyone whose opinion does not coincide with mine,
And that most annoying creature, the eternal optimist
I don't think they'd be missed, I'm sure they'd not be missed!

CHORUS

He's got her on the list, he's got her on the list;
And I don't think she'll be missed, I don't think she'll be missed!

KO-KO

There's people who complain of draughts, but never shut the door,
And the oral hygienist, I've got her on the list!
And those who after chewing gum just spit it on the floor
They never would be missed, they never would be missed!
There's anyone called Justin, with a high and squeaky voice
Who, despite a lack of talent, is still the critics choice
And referees from Switzerland, and others of their kind
Who claim to be all-seeing, but selectively are blind
And the lowest of the lowest, the gossip journalist
I've got her on the list, I've got her on the list!

CHORUS

He's got 'em on the list, he's got 'em on the list
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed!

KO-KO

There's the girl who bares her everything to get on the front page
That crude self-publicist, I've got her on the list!
And the woman who thinks surgery will hide her real age
I don't think she'd be missed, I'm sure she'd not be missed!
There's those who write the horoscopes, and those who think they're true,
Those devils who, on breaking wind, then put the blame on you
There's orange-skinned presenters whose names begin with D
And anyone made famous by reality TV
And that so-called entertainer, the TV hypnotist
I've got him on the list, I know he'll not be missed

CHORUS

He's got him on the list, he's got him on the list
And I know he'll not be missed, I'm sure he'll not be missed!

KO-KO

There's trick or treaters every year who won't leave me alone
And the pet psychologist, I've got him on the list
And people selling windows, doors and kitchens on the phone
I know they'll not be missed. They're on a special list!
There's carol singers turning up who only know one song
That's really not a carol, and they get the words all wrong
And kids who must have trainers that their parents can't afford
And teenage lads and lasses who are permanently bored
But it really doesn't matter who you put upon the list
There's none of them been missed, there's none of them been missed

CHORUS

You may put 'em on the list, you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed!

KO-KO

There's people with pretentious names like Tristan, Sky or Rolf
And the terse telephonist, I'm sure she'd not be missed!
All muggers, joggers, doorstep floggers, people who play golf
They never would be missed, they never would be missed!
There's interior designers, window dressers and that sort
Bank robbers who retire to Spain the minute they get caught
And those who have their noses pierced and men who dye their hair
And idiots who host chat shows and disc jockeys everywhere
Well anyway by now I guess you must have got the gist
There's none of them been missed, they're all there on the list

CHORUS

You may put 'em on the list, you may put 'em on the list;
And they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed!